Stay-at-home mom gets home from surgery, flips out when husband reprimands her for putting his football shirts in the dryer: 'I had barely sat down five minutes'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 9, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Living with anybody, whether that be a roommate, child, or romantic partner is bound to cause difficulties somewhere along the line. The reality is, we all have different thresholds of what we consider to be an acceptable way to live and others that we live with are not always going to maintain them as they should. It's inevitable that there are going to be annoyances and misunderstandings.

Still, there are always going to be those times that sting more than the others. Whether it comes from some kind of added stress or simply reaching the end of your patience with somebody, domestic disputes can become big issues if not handled correctly. It is up to those involved to think them through and try not to overreact, or burden the other person with more than they can handle. This can be a delicate balance to maintain, especially in circumstances that deviate from the norm.

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  • This is exactly what one wife and mom found herself worrying over after she got back home after having surgery. Her husband had been looking after their three kids in the interim, and he upset her by bringing up a domestic issue as soon as she sat down. Taking issue with the fact that she had put his football shirts in the dryer before she went to the hospital, she was upset that he had addressed her mistake before anything else. She wondered if she was overreacting by refusing to do his laundry any more. 

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    "CLIMACHILL 2X1 Arsenal adidas Fly Emirates VIS RWA
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    AITA for refusing to do my husband's laundry anymore after he had a go at me after surgery?

    I had gallbladder removal surgery yesterday, and thankfully all went well. They removed a massive stone and several smaller ones. I even got to take pictures Coming around from the anesthesia was harder than I'd imagined but the doctor said it was quite normal to feel very tired and groggy afterward, they said this was quite normal. I was lucky enough to have my surgery in a private hospital funded by the NHS, so my staff was but I still couldn't wait to get home to see my children and sit on my
    via i_hate_my_username4
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    I got home quite tired and sore just before 7pm. The morphine has definitely worn off at this point and I haven't had anymore pain relief so I just want to sit down and relax and take some codeine and give my kids a cuddle. I walk in and the living room looks a mess which was annoying, but my husband had made sure my pillow was on the sofa like I'd asked for earlier, and it's hard work looking after three kids (10 autistic, 6 & 2), they'd not long finished dinner (take away) and he'd been doing
    via i_hate_my_username4
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    I had barely sat down five minutes when my husband turns to me and says, 'oh I don't mean to have a go at you since you just got home from surgery but can you please STOP putting my football shirts in the dryer since it ruins them, I've told you before they can't go in there!' I was a bit taken back, like is this really the best time to bring this up?? He even acknowledged that I just got home from surgery!!! And for the record I don't think it's wrong of him to not want his shirts ruined but re
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    No, 'do you need anything? Do you need any medication? Are you comfortable? Nah, just 'my shirts!'. I don't remember putting them in the washing machine, or the dryer, and I don't remember folding one up when the dryer finished either so all I could say was sorry.
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    I genuinely thought his football shirts were ok to go on the dryer, I absolutely swear I remember him saying last year they could go in and I'm usually pretty good about remembering what can be tumble dried and what can't. He's made mistakes too, I've told him a few times that our daughters school cardigan shouldn't be tumble dried. He completely ruined one, said he'd replace it and six months later still hasn't replaced it. If you live in the UK I don't need to tell you branded uniform items ar
    via i_hate_my_username4
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    While many felt she had done nothing wrong, some also urged her to think more deeply about the situation.

    OhmsWay-71 NTA. You are allowed to react to the self centered, disrespectful way he decided to talk to you about it. I would talk to him in the morning...
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    "Listen, your timing was sh last night. I think you know that, or at least I hope that you know that when your wife just gets home from surgery, you should not be bringing up any of her tasks, chores, criticisms or things you think I could do better. Asking me to keep your football shirts out of the dryer is a reasonable request. One that should be asked for with kindness, gratitude for the fact that someone is doing your laundry, and at the right time. For example, the next time you throw one i
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    Expert Salad8102 NTA. Girl, you just got out of surgery, and the first thing this man says to you when you walk in the door isn't "How are you feeling?" or "Do you need anything?" but complaining about his football shirts??? Are you serious?? Sir, read the room. You were literally cut open less than 24 hours ago, and this man is more worried about a polyester shirt than his wife recovering from an operation?? That's wild. And let's not ignore the hypocrisy—he ruined your daughter's uniform and n
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    You are not petty-you are setting boundaries. You are recovering, you deserve rest, and the last thing you need is a grown-a man acting like his jersey collection is more important than your healing body. Stay strong, sis. Let him learn the hard way.
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    apothekryptic NTA. Your husband picked the WRONG time to bring this up, and his delivery was garbage. You should be concerned that his biggest concern in your most vulnerable moment is his t-shirts.
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    RocketteP Is it possible he brought it up because he was doing laundry & it was on his mind? Is he neurodivergent? I don't think you're an AH for being upset. It was definitely poor timing. Is this a normal thing for him? Brining up something at an inconvenient time? Also he should be doing his own laundry anyway if he wants something specifically washed and dried a certain way. You're NTA but it'd probably be beneficial to air out your grievances with his timing as that's not good for recovery
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    i_hate_my_username4 OP He could be neurodivergent. We're almost sure I have ADHD, and I think neurodivergent tend to gravitate towards each other My best friend is neurodivergent too. I was going to say that no he doesn't usually bring things up at a bad time but actually thinking about it he can be pretty poor at knowing when to interrupt me. He has this real terrible habit of tying to show me memes he thinks are funny whilst I'm doing 8 different things, kids are all asking me for stuff and th
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    throwinglobster Unpopular opinion but NAH. Or maybe it's more like a really soft ES H. Was it absolutely the wrong time for your husband to make that comment? Sure. Was he likely frazzled from juggling 3 kiddos, worrying about his wife having surgery, getting them fed, AND trying to make some headway on household chores (sure the living room was a mess but he was clearly churning through laundry)? Also yes. Sometimes when we're frazzled and "one more thing" pops up on our annoyance plate, we ver
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    In the same way he shouldn't have said it, I think you over-reacted a bit to it, but for largely the same reasons he slipped up to begin with. Stress/frazzled/ trying to recover post surgery. Quantifying who is in the "worst off" headspace to get a pass on being kind of a bt is a bit of an exercise in futility, no?
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    heyjudecarter NTA. He's a grown man. He can do his own laundry.
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    Safe-Amphibian-1238 "It is clear to me that your clothes are very important to you, and that you have a particular way you wish for them to be cleaned. In order to respect this, I will no longer be washing your clothing, as I do not want to make any mistakes; given that laundry is often something I do for the kids as well as us, it would be too easy for me to mistakenly take your jerseys or any other delicate clothing item and accidentally mix them in with the rest." NTA, and it sounds like he j
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    NotThatValleyGirl Yeah, like don't even be mad, dude just threw himself into a lifetime of never getting his laundry done by his wife again. I'd take an evening of him being an a_h_le for a lifetime of never touching his underwear again, and maybe the petty spite of watching him have to go to work in dirty, wrinkled clothes because he got behind in his own laundry. "Sorry Hun, we just can't trust me not to throw your precious football shirts into the dryer."
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    iwantaponytoo Imo you were both overreacting due to circumstances at that time. He was obviously overwhelmed with chores and you coming home, you due to op and pain of surgery. He could have reminded you in a nicer way, but realistically he was just frustrated to find his shirt in the dryer. Have a chat, make up and let it go. NAH
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    Zazaazombie After my father did and after several weeks of just cleaning I forgot to do dishes one time and my then bf (now husband) said we should keep up on the dishes. 18 months went by before I ever washed a dish again.
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    ZyriahRush NTA. Girl, you just had surgery, came home sore and exhausted, and he's out here worrying about football shirts like it's a national emergency? He acknowledged you'd just had surgery but still decided that was prime time for a lecture about laundry. Sir, read the room. Like, where's the basic "Hey, you good? Need pain meds? Water? Pillow fluff?" Nope. Just "MY SHIRTS!" Honestly, I'd be fuming too. You didn't mess up on purpose, and you've got three kids (including one with special nee
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    The wife agreed that another conversation had been needed.

    i_hate_my_username4 OP Update - we've talked it out now and he said that he realised pretty much as soon as he said it that perhaps he shouldn't have said it yet but didn't realise I was as upset as I was or he would have apologised right anyway. Anyhow, I checked the laundry I folded and there wasn't a football shirt in it, so I asked him where it was and it turns out that no, I didn't wash one the other night. It's one that I haven't seen him wear in forever (and I'm not saying that it's that
    via i_hate_my_username4

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